I can vividly remember the moment when I felt I was broken – mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
August 9, 2001. Austin, Texas. Well over 100 degrees with the heat index.
I was finally driving home from the hospital with my five-day old son. It had been an emotional and draining week. He was born almost 10 weeks early and was tucked in his car seat. The nurses and I had spent about twenty minutes rolling and tucking receiving blankets around his tiny body to ensure he was snug and safe in his seat.
We were about two miles from home when every light imaginable on the dashboard lights up and the car comes to a rolling stop. I sat there for a moment in complete shock. Seriously??? The past week had been a series of unimaginable events within my personal and professional life and this was that straw…
Needless to say this was before the cell phone era so I couldn’t just dial someone up. I took only what I could carry – my son and his diaper bag – and begin trekking. I fought to hold back the tears and realized at that moment just how solely dependent this tiny creature – who was sleeping through the entire ordeal – was on me. I prayed for guidance and patience as we grew together. I asked for understanding and clarity on the twists and turns my life had taken over the past few months. As we were walking a car stopped and the gentleman driving asked if I needed help. I was hesitant and said, “No, we’re fine.” He could tell I was nothing of the sorts and asked if that was my car that he’d passed on the side of the road. I admitted it was. When he realized that the baby in my arms was fresh from the hospital, he insisted that I let him take us home.
There are times when you have to let go and let God. Times when He will whisper comfort and guide you. In that moment, I put my faith fully in Him and accepted the help. I never saw that gentleman again and have no clue what his name is. However, the next day there was a knock from my apartment manager with an envelope that had the business card of a nearby mechanic and a note with arrangements to fix my car had been made.
Motherhood has taught me many things. It’s strengthened and toughened me up. There have been many tears, sleepless nights and whispered prayers. Bringing my son home from the hospital was only the beginning of a five year custody battle with his father. There were days when I was completely drained and just wanted to give in and give up…but then the memory of help that came when I thought I was completely alone reminded me that when I felt I was at the end of my rope I could let go, because I had a Comforter and Protector that would keep my son and I in the palm of His hands.